


Counting Stars

by wizzardess



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Dark, Death Eaters, M/M, Sad, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 20:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/299508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wizzardess/pseuds/wizzardess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco writes a letter to Harry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Counting Stars

He sits alone at his desk searching his mind for the right words to ink onto the paper. Nothing comes to him and he looks at the mark now burned across the skin of his right arm. A single tear seeps out of his eye and he looks away. He can’t take the pain in his heart. He has betrayed them all and proved the ones who used to talk about him right. He is a failure. His eyes focus back onto the parchment in front of him and he begins writing.

  
_Hey  
I wanna crawl out of my skin  
Apologize for all my sins  
All the things I should’ve said  
To you_   


 

More tears fall and he looks back at the twisted form of a snake and skull. Why’d it have to be this way? If he was just that much stronger he could’ve fought longer and proved himself worthy to be in the light. He looks up and out of the window in the dungeon the Dark Lord has taken over for the time being. Stars sprinkle the sky and he aches to be out on his broom flying. He longs to be up in the air playing a game of Quidditch with his ex-classmates and lover. Again his eyes rest upon the burnt skin of his forearm. He grinds his teeth as pain sears through it making it glow brighter. His quill touches the parchment and he writes more.

  
_Hey  
I can’t make it go away  
Over and over in my brain again  
All the things I should’ve said  
To you_   


He lays his head down on the desk breathing deeply. A black eagle swoops through the open window and lands atop the desk next to his letter. It extends his leg and he unties the parchment scanning it quickly. He crumbles it in his fist and throws it to the ground. Another meeting has been scheduled for midnight and he will not attend this one either. He has not attended a meeting since becoming a Death Eater and he will not start now. The bird flies out the window carrying his reply and he gazes after it, longing to be the bird. He looks at the stars and sighs. He lowers his gaze back to the letter and begins writing again.

  
_Counting stars wishing I was ok  
Crashing down was my biggest mistake  
I never ever meant to hurt you  
I only did what I had to  
Counting stars again_   


Even now, if he had the courage he would just take his own life, but he can’t even summon the will to do so. He thinks back to his last relationship. He never would have thought it possible to fall in love with him. He had loathed him since before he had met him, always trained to hate him. However, the day he saw him he knew he was in love, no matter how young he was at the time, nor the fact that his love interest was a boy, he was so much in love with the Boy-Who-Lived. He looks back to his arm and sobs. He betrayed the only person to ever truly love him. This would be the last letter to him; if he kept in contact he would lead them straight to his lover. He inhales shakily and starts writing again.

  
_Hey  
Ill take this day by day by day  
Under the covers I'm ok I guess  
Life’s too short and I feel small_   


He’s not sure what hurts worse, his heart or the mark that tarnishes his pale skin. He wipes a few tears and looks to the stars again. He stares a few minutes remembering a past he once had. He thinks about the way he could just lie in bed with his lover for hours and never tire of it. Thoughts of his lovers smile flitter through his mind. His heart skips, remembering the way his lover would flush pink when receiving a genuine compliment, no matter who from. He smiles to himself, he misses Hogwarts. He never thought he would be able to be with his arch nemesis, but he had. He had managed to win the heart of the most respected wizard alongside Dumbledore. He won his heart and now he was about to shatter it. He curses himself for being a coward and lowers the quill to the parchment once more.

  
_Counting stars  
Wishing I was ok  
Crashing down  
Was my biggest mistake  
I never ever meant to hurt you  
I only did what I had to  
Counting stars again  
Love Always for Eternity;  
 **Draco Lucius Malfoy**_   


He seals the parchment and whistles for the white owl he senses hiding outside. Sure enough, with no time wasted, the owl flies in and extends her leg. Draco makes no pretence to hide his tears from the snowy girl, she’s not stupid and she knows what’s going on.

“Don’t get a reply. I don’t want one. I’ll see you then, Hedwig.” The owl looks at him with a sympathy he had never seen. She hoots dolefully and takes flight out the window. Draco backs up into a wall and slides down sobbing into his arms. He looks out the window and slams his palm into the ground until it bleeds. His tears stain his robes and a wing blows through the open window extinguishing the small candle on the desk. He’s encased in darkness. He continues sobbing. If only he was stronger.

**Author's Note:**

> The song used is Counting Stars by Sugarcult


End file.
